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What is your biggest fear?
…a reader asked me. Instead of writing a quick response, I took the time to reflect, not without some fear.
First I dumped. I wrote down a list of my fears.
1- To suffer from terminal illness
2- To fail in love
3- To lose my mother
4- To produce unoriginal work
5- To have no friends
6- To have a boring life
7- To live through war / conflict again
8- To mess up hypothetical children
9- To lose my physical strength
10- To get old, and risk not being attractive
Second, I inquired. What is at the bottom of each fear?
For every fear I asked what about it that is scary?
1- To suffer from terminal illness > being with the pain
2- To fail in love > being with the loss
3- To lose my mother > being with the pain and the loss
4- To produce unoriginal work > being with the pain of rejection
5- To have no friends > being with the shame and the loss
6- To have a boring life > being with the pain
7- To live through war / conflict again > being with the pain and the loss
8- To mess up hypothetical children > being with the regret and the shame
9- To lose my physical strength > being with the pain and the loss
10- To get old, and risk not being attractive > being with the pain and the loss
Third, I analyzed. What is the common theme?
Me
I am afraid of myself
My biggest fear is being alone with extremely difficult feelings: pain, loss, shame, regret
My biggest fear is abandoning myself when I need me the most
My biggest fear is me
I let it sink in. What do I do about it?
Remind myself when I am in fear, that I might have my back more than I think I will, if things go wrong.
