To Become the Woman I Am

A eulogy for the voices in my head

Illustrations: Nour I Flayhan

I had to murder the men in me
One by one
Day by day
And there are millions of them
The one who says my tight skirt makes me look slutty
The one who says my anger makes me untrustworthy
The one who says my failures have all to do with me being too
emotional
The man who tells me that my trauma is not real
The man who taught me that defense is the only response to
hurt
The man who says logic trumps feelings

To become the woman I am
I had to murder the colonizer in me
One by one
Day by day
And there are millions of them
The one who yells that success is making money and amassing
power
The one who says that consuming will make me feel better
The one who says that English, American, and European
cultures are superior to mine
The one who denies the existence of systems of oppression
The one who shrugged off my concerns as merely identity
politics
The one who says my people are inferior and need to learn
democracy
The one who says his way is the only good way