This being an adult

This being an adult is fucking hard
Your friend dies and you have to face your own mortality
The fairytale does not come true and you have to deal with reality
You think you are doing the right thing but you end up hurting somebody
You try to fit in a square your mama drew to see that you are an uneven circle
You want to be nice only to encounter anger and disassociation
You want to do the right thing instead you realize that there is nothing right
You get excited to change the world but the world says fuck off
You try to change yourself and you cannot see tangible results
You cannot kill the critic in your head and you can’t live with it
You realize that the system is broken and you are a part of it
You learn that things do not buy you peace, but you still buy that piece
You know that relationships are all that matters, but you continue avoiding intimacy
You wake up to see that it’s not your fault but also there is no one to blame
That there is no answer to the big questions
That there is no truth
That change is hard
That fairness is a lie
That everyone has a price
That what is out of your control conditioned who you are
That 30, 40, 50 years later you still don’t know who you are
This being human is a dark-house
It is time to stop pretending we get it, or we know what we are doing, or that we figured it out
It is time to see that we are innocent bodies roaming the planet making up answers we do not believe
For that…