I am envious, greedy and rageful

On learning to embrace my shadow

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious” — Carl Jung

The other night I had a dream where two of my Psychotherapy classmates were walking together in a pumpkin field and chose to ignore me. My mind said to me: “They found out you are bad, they saw your jealousy towards their friendship.” I woke up with anxiety pondering:

Am I a bad person?

The easiest thing for my ego to do, was to reject the statement and try to make me feel better by naming the ways I am a good person, and blame badness on others: men, white people, Trump, gun owners, etc.

But what about my negative or bad thoughts and emotions? These are real and are mine.

You see, I do have bad thoughts. I have done things that have hurt others. I do have destructive emotions.

Here are some examples of my darkness: I have caught myself being envious of my friend’s seemingly perfect life of husband and children. I have caught myself being jealous of women my partner dated. I have caught myself feeling resentful towards my parents who put me in this world. I have caught myself hating my parents. Hating my best friend…