I am difficult to love

You come too close, I run away
You wander too far, I beg you not to stray

I shower you with love
You feel special, until you see me shower the one after you

I put you on a pedestal, one morning
And I turn cold that same evening

You imagine I am this grounded, masculine rooted human
Then you see the darkness of it all, my rage, my furry

I show up as a fairy mother to your lost child
Then I fall apart, needing you to save my lost child

One moment I cry and beg
The next I rise up, ready to fight again

I ask for what I need, you give it to me
But it is never enough, that’s what you tell me

I leave you when you are fully mine
I want you when you are someone else’s

Confused, exhausted, pushed, helpless, cornered, loveless
These are words you left me with when you left

I sat with them long enough to recognize
that I am difficult to love
But how am I to stop trying
If love is the mystery I am forever unfolding?