Are you going to freeze your eggs?

She “doorknobed” me as she was rushing out of my birthday house party.

Because I am going to.

She added.

A doorknob conversation is an expression used by therapists to describe a revelation a patient shares at the end of a session while during the hour they discussed lesser key events / topics.

Double gulp. First gulp is shit I am old enough to have to know. Second gulp is shit, even women in committed relationships are freezing their eggs. I am still trying to figure out if my relationship is a long term one.

While the question left me with feelings of unease, it begged me to reflect on my age, and well my eggs.

The truth is I do not know whether I want to have kids. I am not one of the “I always knew I wanted to be a parent” people. However:

1. I am learning to be a good enough mother to myself first, in turn if I choose to have kids I would have some basic skills to not fuck it up. Basic skills include: presence, attunement, soothing, self-care, patience, self-forgiveness.
2. I am healing my relationship with my own mother, surfacing repressed emotions, mainly resentment, anger and releasing trauma so I do not pass it on to my own child. In this process, I am able to also find forgiveness for her and I am…